The Perfect PA…

9 07 2009

This has been circulated on the VA cyberchat and is worth sharing here…

PA Job Description

I can take 2 phone calls, set up an excel spreadsheet, book a conference call and
send several emails – all at the same time. Simultaneously, I can review 2
inboxes, update 2 calendars, book dinner for 7 with parking, location map and 2
vegetarian options, knock up a PowerPoint presentation, courier a package and
book three hotel rooms and three flights. I speak all languages and have
visited all the countries in the world: I therefore know every beach and every
hotel. I know all local customs and visa and vaccination requirements for all
nationalities and countries. I am personally responsible for  the state of
the hotel room (wallpaper),  the food on the flight, for traffic jams,
broken hire cars, overbooked planes, late taxis, the weather, possible war and
unrest, as well as the economic situation and adverse currency exchange rate
fluctuations. I possess magical powers which enable me to get a room in a fully
booked hotel and seats on fully booked planes and trains. I can also arrange
for planes to start and land at your desired destinations at your preferred
times. I know that – even though you asked me to book you a flight for Friday –
you really wanted to travel on Saturday. Also, if you arrange a meeting with
somebody over the phone and don’t tell me, I telepathically know and will book
and prepare a meeting room and arrange drinks.

I smile, am sympathetic, and am happy to replace his psychiatrist /punch bag as
needed – equally happy in turn to be ignored, insulted and blamed in the
interests of alleviating the frustrations of senior management in the workplace
– always calmly listening and trying to do better next time. I can act, sing,
dance and repair the printer. I replace the information desk, directory
enquiries and the post office. I am happy to get in early for meetings that
(may) take place and work late for no extra money. I hate having time off – as
I obviously have no family or other interests outside the joy and desire to
selflessly serve in the workplace.

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